mom thoughts...seasons of life

I've been reading this book for a while now...it is one of those books that you don't really read all at once, although maybe some people would, but as I've picked it up, put it down and back up again, I have taken away little ideas each times...I'm less overwhelmed with my thoughts that way.

Being a wife and mother is hard.  There are days when I feel like the kids and I have really meshed well, there weren't too many fights between the older two, we've had fun together, they've been polite or haven't pitched many fits, and those days are great.  But then there are days when I feel like our life is complete chaos and I am convinced I am the worst mother in the world (which I know isn't true but it sure feels like it sometimes) and think why the heck do I think I want more children?!?!  Some days Mike comes home from work and we get along just great, I'm not moody, he's not acting as tired as I'm sure he really feels, the kids are cute and funny and we look at each other like "seriously?  these sweet things are ours?!" and we have a really nice night.  Other days, I'm done before he even walks in the door, I don't want to be touched by anyone, he gets frustrated because the kids are being fussy and needy and he is super tired from a long day, and we go to bed not totally at peace with each other.  But that's life with little kids...

Anyway, the other night I picked my book back up (it had gotten pushed under my side of the bed somehow and I had neglected it for a month or two) and I'm telling you, when I opened that sucker up to the page I had last bookmarked, it was exactly what I needed to hear.  I've been thinking it about ever since and just want to make sure I get all my thoughts down somewhere.

"I like the idea that we live our lives in seasons.  It is comforting to know there is a time and purpose to every phase of our lives.  Of course this implies a good deal of patience on our part.  Just as we can't enjoy autumn's vibrant colors in April, or picnic on a soft grassy lawn in January (at least not where I live), neither can we expect to have all the treasures of a lifetime of seasons packed into today.  Allowing life's opportunities to blossom in their proper season helps us appreciate the present.  It allows us to focus on who we are, and whom we are with, right now.  To be constantly wishing away the current season, because the next season seems more appealing, is to miss the fragrance of lilacs after a spring rain because you can't wait for barbecues by the pool."  

                                                                                                     Deliberate Motherhood, pg. 139

I've caught myself doing this so many times.  When I was single, I couldn't wait to be married; after I got married, I couldn't wait to have kids.  When I had Drew, I couldn't wait to be pregnant again.  I've been conscious of enjoying the time of life I am in for a while, I think I realized it when I started noticing how fast our babies were growing and how I wished I had lived in the moment more.  I think I do a much better job now then I did then, but even still, I catch myself dreaming of the days when our family is complete, all the kids are in school, and we can go on vacations or mission trips, have the house we will live in forever, etc.  And while I know it is ok to look forward to all of these things, it is easy to become impatient...and lets face it, I might not ever get ALL of those things, but we can miss out on so much if we can't get ourselves grounded enough in the present to really enjoy the the season we are in.

Two weeks ago, the kids and I went to the park with a friend to visit with another mom we go to church with.  We talked a lot about our kids and then my friend shared this message with us about patience and what I took away from it was this..

And honestly, right now, the desires of my heart are raising my children, being a good wife to my husband and striving to become a better daughter, friend, cousin, niece, and member of society.  I can actually have all of those things right now...which makes me realize too that maybe the other desires I have for future seasons aren't really that important in relation to who I am or need to become.

Thank goodness for wise moms out there who write wise books ;)